i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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