So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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