You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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