the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
