chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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