thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
