He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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