I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
