He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
