About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
