We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
