She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
