At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
