U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
