my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
