Quick, to the slutcave!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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