Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
