I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
