Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
