I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The beer is more important than you right now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
