Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
