i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
