im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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