i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
