I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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