lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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