I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
