I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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