I'm so fucking centered right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
