Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
