Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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