saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
