...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
