As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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