She's JV to your varsity
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
