I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
