I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
