Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
