When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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