I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
