i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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