once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
