I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
