Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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