i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
