The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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