JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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