Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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