saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
