we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
