Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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