No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
