I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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