i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
