Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
