I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
